How to Stop an Undead Army
by Shirotora chan
Summary: Harry learns how to stop an undead army in a most unconventional manner. Who inspires him? Snape- of all people! ONE SHOT! CRACK FIC!


**Disclaimer: I'm still waiting for my owl from JKR to tell me that I own Harry Potter and Co. Until I get that letter, I don't own it, okay?**

_Sixth Year: Defence Against the Dark Arts Class_

"Professor?" Harry's hand shot up into the air.

"What is it Potter?" Snape sneered at him, his lip curled in disgust.

"Well, I had some questions about Inferi. Are they at all similar to a Muggle's version of a zombie?"

Snape stared at Harry with a mixed look of disdain, scorn, and confusion. "What are you going on about Potter?"

"Well, logically speaking sir, a lot of Muggles know about magical beings, such as unicorns, fairies, dragons, and werewolves. Those all exist in the magical world. So I was wondering if there was a connection between zombies and Inferi." Harry questioned.

"Well, Potter, it appears that your head is good for something other than attracting snitches on the Quidditch pitch after all," Snape sneered again, and walked towards the black board. "Potter has actually made a point. All that muggles know of magical creatures were once based on actual knowledge of creatures that actually do exist. This usually includes the darker creatures, like werewolves and Inferi. Admittedly, because the magical world and the Muggle world have been separated for several centuries, there is a lot of exaggeration as to what these creatures can do... but the base knowledge is indeed factual. Inferi are indeed the image that Muggles have in mind when they think of zombies. Inferi are soulless flesh eaters that only live to consume flesh. However, Inferi cannot be left on their own devices, they need a Dark wizard to manipulate them. A muggle's conception of a zombie is that it can either be controlled by a Dark Wizard, which is correct, or that they can live on their own, which is not the case. Inferi and muggle zombies do have the same weaknesses, especially fire and a solid blow to the head."

After class ended, Harry, Ron and Hermione quickly scurried away from Snape's domain.

"What was that all about, Harry?" Hermione asked, "you usually never ask questions in Snape's class. Although it was a fair question... I guess."

Harry shrugged, "just wondering..."

_A year later..._

War had finally descended upon magical England. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had essentially gone underground on their quest for the Horcruxes. It wasn't until the final battle that they were seen by their allies.

That final battle was chaos, smoke lingered in the air, the smell of charred corpses and screams of pain and anger wracked the air. To add insult to injury, Voldemort had decided to mock the Order of the Phoenix by resurrecting the fallen and adding them to his army of Inferi.

"Oh my God," Hermione whispered, "We're done. There's no way we can fight the Death Eaters and the Inferi."

Harry placed a hand on her shoulder, "Hermione. Relax. I've got this, okay?" He sent her a confident smile.

Ron's eyes widened in surprise. "You're going to take on the Inferi alone mate?"

Harry gave a slow grin, "Of course... I know how to stop them."

"Harry this is insane! You can't face the Inferi alone!" Hermione exclaimed.

Harry simply smiled, and went to face the approaching undead army head-on. He stopped at the very middle and pointed his wand in the air. Mumbling something under his breath, the wand conjured a bright light which started playing a familiar song to all muggle-born.

"He can't be serious," Hermione whispered, the blood drained from her face. "He thinks he can stop the Inferi with... A SONG?"

Harry waved his wand once again to change his outfit to a red jacket and matching red pants. And then, he started dancing.

The undead horde rushed at him, and then froze.

Hermione and Ron, and the rest of the Light, stared at Harry in shock.

_It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark__  
__Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart__  
__You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it__  
__You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes__  
__You're paralyzed_

The Inferi started shuffling along, mimicking Harry's movements.

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night  
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike  
You know it's thriller, thriller night  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

All stared in shock and horror as Harry's movements were copied by the Inferi. Voldemort screamed in rage as the Inferi refused to heed his commands.

Suddenly, Harry started dancing through the crowd of Inferi, and they parted for him, turning to face him as he made his way towards the Darkest Wizard since Grindewald. As Harry reached the end of the Inferi army, they all turned with him. Harry continued dancing with the dead, shuffling corpses, until the very end of the song approached. As they final lyrics reached the ears of the Inferi, Harry pointed at his hated enemy with a finger.

_The foulest stench is in the air__  
__The funk of forty thousand years__  
__And grizzly ghouls from every tomb__  
__Are closing in to seal your doom___

_And though you fight to stay alive__  
__Your body starts to shiver__  
__For no mere mortal can resist__  
__The evil of the thriller_

The Inferi rushed Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and began ripping them to pieces. As soon as they were done, the music ended, and, because the man who manipulated the monsters was dead, the Inferi collapsed.

Harry calmly walked back to his friends, humming Thriller along the way. As soon as he reached his two best friends, Hermione smacked him over the head.

"Harry James Potter, what the hell were you thinking?" she screeched, as she then pulled him into a hug. "You could have _died_ doing that!"

Harry chuckled as he returned the hug, "Relax Hermione, I knew what I was doing the whole time."

Ron piped in at that statement, "but how, Harry? It makes no sense that Inferi would start dancing to that weird song."

Harry looked indignant at that. "A weird song? Merlin Ron, you wizards know nothing about modern culture, do you? That song was 'Thriller' by the greatest Muggle pop artist in history, Michael Jackson."

"But Harry, Ron's right," Ginny cut in, walking over to them, "how did you know that song would control the Inferi?"

"Well, Snape might as well have told me last year in class," Harry said, a smile on his face. "He did say that Inferi and Muggle zombies have the same weaknesses. And no zombie can resist dancing to 'Thriller' so I knew the same would happen with the Inferi."

Everyone around stared at Harry like he were crazy.

Fred and George, taking advantage of the chaos and confusion started by Harry's brilliant plan ran up to him and bowed at his feet. "TEACH US OH MIGHTY ONE YOUR WAYS OF DEFEATING THE UNDEAD!"

Harry started laughing, "Rise my minions, I have much to teach you!"

The twins stood up and bowed again, "Thank you, Oh Mighty Lord of Chaos. We are your disciples!"

Harry restarted the music, and, in perfect unison, he and the Weasley twins danced away into the night to Thriller.


End file.
